


drifting

by letek



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Dreams, M/M, Post-Canon, Self-Destructive Behavior, implied depression, probably occurs sometime within the first year of odo leaving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27252973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letek/pseuds/letek
Summary: Sometimes when Quark was feeling particularly masochistic, he would walk by the security station and glance inside, foolishly hoping to see a person he knew wouldn’t be there.
Relationships: Odo/Quark (Star Trek)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 24





	drifting

Sometimes when Quark was feeling particularly masochistic, he would walk by the security station and glance inside, foolishly hoping to see a person he knew wouldn’t be there. He tried not to engage in this destructive activity too often, but he couldn’t help it. For the past ten years, that security station (and its primary inhabitant) was a fixture in Quark’s life. Now, it was nothing more than any other establishment on the Promenade occupied by any another Bajoran. Quark knew that the odds of seeing Odo whenever he peered in through the window were low, but they weren’t exactly non-existent either. 

Countless times, Quark had told himself to stop walking through that area. The disappointment, the dredged-up memories, the hurt- sometimes it was all too much for him to handle. But every time he did it there was a tiny flicker of hope that Quark felt for a split-second right before he looked through the window. A delusional feeling that somehow Odo would be sitting behind the desk, with his head buried deep into a PADD, was enough reason for Quark to keep doing it. And sometimes, for brief moments, Quark would even forget that Odo was gone at all. _Those_ were the thoughts that kept him going. Even though Quark knew that the mental crash after those fleeting moments was nearly unbearable, he needed those false hopes and passing delusions to feel anything at all. 

It was one of those days where nothing was going right for Quark and he needed to do something, anything to make himself feel better. So, after he closed up the bar for the night, Quark decided to walk over to the security station and try to remember a time when he was happier. The activity on the Promenade was always low at this time of night. Most people on the station kept their schedules in accordance with standard Federation time, including the new chief of security. So, when Quark stepped closer to the security station, with the slight sensation of sweat on his palms, he wasn’t surprised to find the lights turned down and the room empty. 

Odo would always be awake during this time of the night- Quark thought that he deliberately waited to start his regeneration cycle until he knew Quark had closed up the bar and went to bed. Quark used to walk by the security station after he shut down the bar because he knew Odo would stop him and pester him. Most of the time, that would lead to Quark sitting down on the chair in front of Odo’s desk and talking with the security officer about his day. Odo always participated in the conversations under the guise that he was only trying to garner information about any illegal wrongdoings occurring on the station and Quark pretended that the only reason he had those late-night chats was because Odo’s persistent harassment didn’t give him any other choice. It was like clockwork every time- Quark would walk by the security station, Odo would stop him and ask him what shady things he’d been up to, Quark would deny anything, Odo would continue to badger Quark for information, then Quark would tell him about what was happening on the station (while leaving out any incriminating information, of course.) While this whole schema played out, they both slowly, knowingly moved their way from the hallway to inside the security station, sitting across from each other for a quick conversation.

Quark almost likened their behavior to some kind of complex and intricate dance that only they knew how to perform. There were so many deeper layers to their interactions- it just might have been their very own art form. It truly was a clever game they played, and maybe their projected hatred for each other could’ve fooled anyone who watched it, but Quark knew that both him and Odo understood that it was just a ruse. 

Quark smiled at the memory of him and Odo’s after-hours interactions. He missed having someone to talk to about his day. He missed the feeling of annoyance mixed with excitement that he experienced every time he heard Odo swiftly walking towards the bar. He missed the playful banter that only him and Odo could do so well. 

Quark got lost in his memories as he made his way back to his quarters. He sighed as he walked through the door and took off his jacket. Quark didn’t have the physical or mental energy to do anything else for the night. So, he laid down into bed and went to sleep, trying not to think of how much he missed Odo. 

_Quark walked towards the security station, bracing himself for another round of misguided hope and utter disappointment. He was so stupid; he knew that he should just stop doing this to himself and get over it already. Odo was never coming back. Odo didn’t care enough about Quark to even say goodbye, let alone come back to the station for him. Quark was angry at himself, angry at Odo, angry at everything. He stopped in his tracks, fully intending to turn around and go back where he came from- away from the security station. But something in his mind urged him to keep moving forward. Still, he refused to move his legs but he glided forward anyway, as if some unknown force had a hold on him. Quark tried to resist the force- he kicked his legs, he tried to dig his heels into the floor, he turned his body the opposite direction and tried to run, but nothing was working. This power over Quark was unrelenting as it dragged him closer and closer to the security station._

_Finally, it let go of him and Quark fell on his knees, lungs desperately searching for air, right in front of the security station. As he laid on the ground, he saw a pair of legs walk up to him- a_ _Bajoran_ _uniform. No doubt one of the security officers ready to yell at him for disturbing the peace or some other inane reason. Quark trailed his eyes from the person’s feet all the way up their body. His gaze fell on a familiar pair of crossed arms and he stopped, afraid to look any further._

_“Quark,” a gravelly voice called out to him._

_Quark couldn’t believe his ears and his eyes widened as he glanced up at the person’s face._

_“Odo?” Quark’s voice was soft, almost imperceptible, and hopeful._

_“Surprised to see me?”_

_Quark still couldn’t believe his senses, “You’re back.”_

_“Yes. Get up from the ground, you’re causing a disturbance,” Odo reached his hand down to help Quark._

_Quark took his hand- it felt real enough. He stood up and examined the person in front of him in his entirety. The person looked like Odo, talked like Odo, felt like Odo. Yet, Quark’s mind still had trouble accepting that it was really him. Something about this Odo wasn’t right._

_“Why are you here?” Quark’s head was spinning and he had so many questions he wanted to ask._

_“I- I wanted to apologize for leaving without saying goodbye.”_

_Quark’s confusion became even more prevalent and he felt his breath quicken, “So, you came all the way back here just to say sorry for leaving the way you did?”_

_“I realized that the way I treated you was unfair and I felt the need to express that to you. I didn’t want to cause you any grief. I hope that in my_ _absence_ _you’ve been able to find happiness.”_

_Quark furrowed his brow. This wasn’t Odo, it couldn’t be. “Why are you saying this to me, Odo? Why come back now?”_

_“I missed you, Quark.”_

_Quark could feel moisture building up in his eyes. He didn’t know if it was from the happiness of seeing Odo again, the repressed anger he felt toward Odo, or the confusion from Odo’s affection. All of these conflicting emotions overwhelmed him and the voice in his head that was telling him something was wrong grew even louder, but he ignored it. Odo was here and he said he missed Quark. This was everything he’d wanted for so many years._

_“You missed me?”_

_“Yes. I came back for you, Quark. I know we never mentioned it before but you’ve always meant a lot to me and I know that I meant a lot to you...”_

_Quark shook his head. Odo didn’t talk about his feelings. Odo was never genuine or transparent with Quark about anything. He relented to the screaming thoughts in his head that he didn’t want to believe- this wasn’t Odo._

_Quark wanted so badly for this person to be Odo, but he knew it wasn't, "You're not Odo, are you?”_

_Odo smiled, “This is who you want me to be, isn’t it?”_

_“What I want doesn’t matter.”_

_“You’re right.”_

Quark jolted awake- short and shallow breaths catching in his throat. As he hunched himself over and put his head in his hands, Quark felt his clothes cling to his skin from the moistness of his sweat. There was also a cool dampness under his eyes and on his cheeks that he tried to wipe away. But every time he did, more tears streamed down his face. 

It was a dream, just a dream. 

Odo wasn’t here. 

Odo didn’t actually come back to tell Quark about how much he missed him, how much he always cared about him. 

It was all a dream. 

Odo was still far away from the station in the Great Link. 

Odo was never going to come back. 

Quark wept.

**Author's Note:**

> even in his own dreams, quark can't just let himself believe that odo would ever love him...


End file.
